How To Tell Your Boss That The Office Coffee Tastes Like Dirt

Do you work in an office that provides free coffee for it’s employees? Do you still find yourself wasting 15 minutes in a Starbucks line on your way to work; only to shell out $7 for a Venti Verona Roast?

If this is you, you might be part of the pandemic that is sweeping the nation, scientists have yet to come up with a name for this virus, but many are calling it Office Coffee.

Seriously, why does office coffee suck? Before I started 416 Coffee I worked in the marketing department of a theatre company, I remember I was so excited to learn that my office was just steps from the coffee machine. I imagined myself chugging gallons of delicious coffee as I did super productive things in my office.

Then, on my first day I filled my trusty Toronto Maple Leafs mug with the black office coffee. I took a swig and immediately projectile vomited on the wall in-front of me. “What the hell is this?” I thought to myself. The coffee tasted like a combination of the jungle juice that me and my friends made at high school parties, and Pennzoil 10W-30.

That day, I found myself leaving the office a lot to get coffee. I think I left at least 4 times during the day, not including lunch. As expected, my boss was not pleased. She came in and demanded to know where I was going. I explained to her that I was out getting coffee.

“We have coffee here, why don’t you just drink that?” she questioned.

“I can’t… It’s disgusting…” I muttered.

She stepped back. In shock that I had not only left the office for half of the day, but also that I was telling her that the coffee here was dirt, all on my first day. Her face quickly turned into a half smile, she told me to bring in some good coffee tomorrow.

The next day I arrived with a bag of Sumatra that we had just roasted. I went straight to the coffee maker, carefully measured 4 ounces of coffee, added filtered water, and brewed a pot. I poured myself a mug and I poured a mug for my boss. I walked into her office and left the mug on her desk.

7 minutes later my boss came charging into my office.

“Where did you get that coffee from!?” she exclaimed.

I explained that I had brewed it in the office, with some coffee I brought from our little coffee roasting business. She told me to bring in a case, to compost the old coffee, and send her an invoice. The office finally had a damn good cup of coffee. Productivity and smiles increased across the board.

Are you looking to step up the coffee at your office? Email us at we are happy to help.

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